dear lily, my lily
by glowing neon
Summary: I could never let you go, Lily-flower, you're just perfect for me. Can't you see how well we'd fit together if you stop fighting this? We could banter about mindless things, and argue over Charms and Transfiguration before holding hands silently on the edge of the Astronomy Tower. :: James and Lily, and how he knew all along how perfect they were.


**For:** marie fisher, as a belated birthday present.

**Competitions: **Favourite Era Bootcamp ('sunset'); For Stretch Your Limits Competition (Hard – James/Lily, Letter); For Ultimate Doctor Who Episode Competition (Letter, 1000 Words), the Pandorica Opens.

**Notes: **well, all my stories disappeared. I'm going to have to reupload them, which is a bit of a bother, but I'll have to deal with it. I figured this should be the first thing I re-upload, seeing as it's my otp 3 Set after fifth year.

* * *

Evans,

Please don't throw this away as soon as you see my handwriting. I need you to hear this, okay?

I am writing to apologize for my inconsiderate behaviour after the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. just under a month ago. I know that hexing Sniv- I mean, Snape is something you asked me specifically not to do, but I couldn't help it. You haven't heard what he says about you when you're not there, Evans. It's not pretty. What he said to your face is but the tip of the metaphorical iceberg.

I'm sorry you had to hear him call you that. You didn't seem that fazed by it at the time, but I know you (whether you like it or not, living in close proximity to someone for five years does give one knowledge about another's personality). You'll have gone back to your room, cried for a few hours, and owled your mother for some vanilla fudge. He was your closest friend, the one who first showed you the Magical World, and I know that to have that ripped away from you must hurt a lot.

Not that I'm saying you can't handle. Merlin, Evans, you're many things but weak isn't one.

Funnily enough, I'm glad Snape called you... that. Before you make that noise you _always_ make when you're disgusted or annoyed at my apparent 'lack of tact', let me explain what I mean by this. I'm glad that you can now tell what sort of a person he really is. You're like sunshine. I can just hear you rolling your eyes from here. Lily, you are brilliant. You help first-years with their homework, you hate Voldemort and his rubbish, and your ability to care for people is just mind-blowing, okay? And he's a Slytherin with dark abilities and an even darker agenda. He'd smother you, Lily, and everything you are.

Can you not see that? Can you not see how much he cares for you, Lily? He'll do anything to keep you as a friend (or more, I'll bet). And before you go off and call me a hypocrite, you should know that I would never treat you the way he treated you. I'd treat you so much better. I'd treat you like a princess, Evans, because that's what you deserve. Merlin, if there was someone else out there who could make you happier than me, I'd let you go. Because that's what you deserve – happiness.

Okay, that last part was a bit of a lie. I'm just too selfish. I could never let you go, Lily-flower, you're just perfect for me. Can't you see how well we'd fit together if you stop fighting this? We could banter about mindless things, and argue over Charms and Transfiguration before holding hands silently on the edge of the Astronomy Tower. I could show you how to fly, regardless of how much you claim to hate it. There will come a day when you'll enjoy hopping onto a broom and flying off into the sunset, your arms around my neck, I swear. We could be the best, Lily, if you could just… let go. Let go of him, Lily, and come with me.

Don't go running back to him, Evans. Please. He's a git. He's worse than that – he's not me. Can't you see how all this makes me feel? You brush me off as though everything I feel towards you is some game, as though you feel my affections are fake. Let me assure you they are not. I won't lie, there was a period of time in third year when I thought this was just some silly crush. Eventually I realised just how deep this runs. I want to protect you, Lily. You'll probably read that sentence and make some comment to yourself involving the word 'stalker', which I'll just ignore. I'm not calling you fragile, Lily-flower, I'm just saying that I couldn't bear for something happen to you. I would do anything it would take to keep you happy. _Anything_. I care that much about you, Lily. Snape, he doesn't care like that. He doesn't want you to be happy – he just wants you. Take that how you want.

You know what? I don't even think I can send this anymore. I've just casually spilled what is left of my heart all over this piece of parchment and you've never done anything but stomp on it in the past. Why would I trust you with some more of it? I can't. I can't do this anymore, Lily-flower. I can't let you treat me like this. I'm going to be the guy you want me to be, but just as a friend. Because I can't stand here and offer you everything only to be declined again and again and again. I'm going to get to know you properly, like I should've from the start. And who knows? Maybe you'll warm to me. Or – more likely – you won't, and I'll leave Hogwarts and become an Auror like Dad but without someone to come home to. You've completely and utterly spoiled me for other girls, you know that, right?

I'll still love you, though. You can count on that. How could I ever stop loving the flame-haired girl who threatened me with disembowelment again and again and again? And no, that was not sarcasm. I love you, Lily, and there's nothing you can do to stop that.

If Sirius had the opportunity to read that previous sentence, I'm pretty sure he would castrate me to "make your transformation into a giant poofter complete".

Another good reason why I should destroy this letter, I suppose.

Forever yours (just in case you didn't already know that),

James H. Potter.

P.S: I do care, despite what you think. Even though you're not going to read that, I'm going to write it anyway. I care about you as a person. I care about you. I care.

P.P.S: Since I'm never sending this, I suppose I should mention that I wasn't actually the one who stole your underwear in fourth year, despite popular opinion. Moony did it on a dare.


End file.
